I am in a vortex of obligation.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
