I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Even my vagina gasped.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
