So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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