If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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