We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
