I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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