I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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