Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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