Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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