I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
