I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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