conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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