i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
