You're a womanizer and a bitch.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
