I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
