best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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