Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
