It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Can vaginas get frostbite?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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