Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
