I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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