My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
