why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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