you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
