His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
