I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
