dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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