just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Everything about him screamed your future.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
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My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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