I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
