Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
