my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
