and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
