I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
