So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize