Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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