i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
