Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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