I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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