I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
