remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
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