I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
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Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
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Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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