I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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