So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
