wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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