is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
