Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Acid is not a monday night drug
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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