So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
