Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
