she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
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that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
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Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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