her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
