You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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