More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
