I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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