I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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