I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
