We won't sleep together?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
she woke up with a sticky ear
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
