think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
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Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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