My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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