Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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