I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
