Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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