i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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