she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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