she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
