I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
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You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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