I need to stop coming to work sober
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
