Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
