i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
