my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
