i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
