Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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