I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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