When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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