I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
