At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
