the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
