Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And then my night got REAL pukey
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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