apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
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The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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